How to ask out a female coworker

How to Ask a Coworker on a Date

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How to ask out a female coworker

It can be difficult to ask a coworker out on a date. You don’t want to be overly assertive, but you do want to show him or her that you’re interested. You also don’t want to make things awkward at work, but the desire to ask him or her out is probably burning inside of you. The truth is that office dating is very common and generally well-accepted. You should have nothing to worry about as long as you are polite and respectful when asking your coworker out, and as long as you both keep your workplace relationship professional. However, it’s always a good idea to first check with your employee handbook or a human resources representative about any workplace dating policies to avoid potential problems down the road.

Choosing the Right Opportunity

How to ask out a female coworker #1
Determine whether or not your coworker is single.

1. Determine whether or not your coworker is single. Before approaching a coworker about going on a date, make sure he or she is actually single. This can save you a lot of time and embarrassment, as well as keep your working relationship intact.

  • You can check your coworker’s social media for hints of a significant other if you’re friends with him or her.
  • Some social media platforms, such as Facebook, have a profile line dedicated to relationship statuses. You can also look through some of your coworker’s recent photos to see if there are any pictures of them holding hands or cuddling with someone else, which could indicate a relationship.
  • If you have a trusted coworker, you can ask him or her about the coworker you want to know more about. Request that your friend be discreet and simply say, “I was thinking about asking out on a date; do you know if he/she is single?”
  • If none of these options are available, you could always ask your coworker directly. Just be cautious and try to bring it up in conversation.
  • For example, you could say something like, “That sounds like a fun weekend plan.” “Are you going with your boyfriend (or girlfriend), friends, or on your own?” If your coworker is single, he or she may say, “No, I’m not seeing anyone.” I’ll be traveling alone.
How to ask out a female coworker #2
Look and feel your best on that particular day.

2. Look and feel your best on that particular day. If you know your coworker is single and have decided to ask him or her out, make sure you look and feel your best that day. Depending on your personality, do something that will either help you relax or get you pumped up that morning. You should also dress for success to ensure that you feel confident. “

  • Wear the most flattering outfit you have. Simply ensure that your attire is appropriate for the workplace.
  • Consider getting a haircut a few days before approaching your coworker. You’ll look well-groomed and make a good impression this way.
  • Make sure you shower, use deodorant, and wear clean clothes on that day. Spend some extra time grooming yourself to ensure that your hair, facial hair (if you have any), and makeup (if you wear it) are all in place.
  • Examine your mouth in the mirror to ensure that there is no food stuck between your teeth. Rinse your mouth with mouthwash or chew a mint just before approaching your coworker to ensure that your breath is fresh and minty.
How to ask out a female coworker #3
Approach your coworker in a relaxed setting.

3. Approach your coworker in a relaxed setting. The location and manner in which you ask your coworker out are critical considerations. Even if your coworker is interested in you, he or she may be hesitant to approach you, so asking your coworker out in the wrong place, time, or context may result in tension or even animosity.

  • When your coworker is alone, approach him or her. If others are present, your coworker may feel awkward or pressured to say yes or no.
  • Choose a comfortable location where both you and your coworker will feel safe. Don’t ask your coworker out right outside the bathroom, or in your office (if you have one), because these places can be intimidating or even inappropriate for asking someone out.
  • A neutral work space, such as by the copy machine in an office or behind the counter if you both work in a restaurant, might be a good place to ask.
  • Make sure your coworker isn’t on his or her way to do something important, because you’ll need his or her full attention for a moment when you ask.
How to ask out a female coworker #4
Be true to yourself.

4. Be true to yourself. It’s critical that you act normally when conversing with your coworker. Your coworker will notice if you are nervous. And if you try to put on a fake persona, your coworker will definitely notice and be turned off by it. Simply stay calm and respectful of your coworker at all times.

How to ask out a female coworker #5
Invite your coworker on a date.

5. Invite your coworker on a date. The most difficult part is asking your coworker out on a date. It can be intimidating, but keep in mind that you don’t have much to lose. The worst that could happen is that your coworker politely declines you, in which case you’ll simply smile and excuse yourself.

  • When you ask, be polite and warm. Don’t appear pushy or needy, and don’t appear uninterested.
  • Make small talk first, so it doesn’t appear as if you’re rushing up to ask him/her out.
  • Inquire how your coworker is doing, how his or her weekend was, or how his or her day is going.
  • Make a smooth transition into asking your coworker out. You could say something along the lines of, “Hey, I had a great time talking with you. If you’re available this weekend, I’d like to talk more over coffee.”
  • If your coworker agrees, say, “Excellent! When would be a good time to do so?” Be polite and cordial if your coworker says no, but don’t linger or make it awkward.
How to ask out a female coworker #6
Understand when to call it a day.

6. Understand when to call it a day. If you’ve asked your coworker out and he or she isn’t interested, you should end it there. Asking a coworker out on a date after he or she has already stated that he or she isn’t interested in dating you may be considered hostile work environment, and you may be fired as a result. Remember that if your coworker isn’t interested in you, there are plenty of other people out there who are. Pestering a coworker who isn’t interested isn’t worth the time, effort, or risk of losing your job.

  • Be as polite and respectful as possible if your coworker says no.
  • Say something to relieve tension, such as, “Not a problem. So, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.”
  • Excuse yourself and proceed to walk away. Lingering could make things uncomfortable for both of you.
  • Continue to be polite and courteous to that coworker, but never flirt with him or her or show any romantic interest now that you know he or she isn’t interested.
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Evaluating Whether Dating Is a Good Idea

How to ask out a female coworker #7
Determine whether or not there is a power dynamic.

1. Determine whether or not there is a power dynamic. The main reason why dating a coworker is a bad idea (and, in many workplaces, the only reason) is if one of you is in a position of power. Dating your boss, manager, or supervisor may result in unfavorable treatment at work. Similarly, dating your employee (if you’re the boss) may create a situation in which your employee feels obligated to go out with you and may feel uncomfortable or unsafe breaking things off if the relationship isn’t working.

  • Only date people who are on your level. You should be able to date each other safely as long as there is no power dynamic between you two (as long as your place of employment allows it).
  • Even if you are currently equals, there is always the possibility that one of you will be promoted in the future. That promotion, while beneficial to your career, may have a significant impact on the nature of your working relationship.
How to ask out a female coworker #8
Determine your company’s policy on coworker dating.

2. Determine your company’s policy on coworker dating. Many workplaces have specific guidelines, rules, or even prohibitions in place regarding workplace relationships. Before you take things to the next level, you should find out whether your employer will allow it, as you don’t want to risk losing one or both of your jobs.

  • Some workplaces require you to inform your boss about any intra-office romances. Others’ policies may be even more stringent.
  • You may be required to describe the nature of your new relationship in writing, which may be difficult if you are both still figuring it out and haven’t placed any “labels” on it.
  • Be aware that if your relationship has the potential to affect either of your productivity levels, you may both be fired from the company if your workplace behavior becomes unprofessional as a result of the relationship.
  • Examine your company’s policy manual (usually either given to you when you are hired or made available online). If you don’t have a rule book, ask someone in human resources or a similar position about any policies in place at your workplace.
  • Even if workplace romances are permitted, you may face serious consequences for public displays of affection, workplace flirtation, using terms of endearment at work, or giving your partner preferential treatment.
How to ask out a female coworker #9
Consider how closely you and your coworker collaborate.

3. Consider how closely you and your coworker collaborate. Even if you and your coworker are on equal footing, there is still the possibility of a strained professional relationship if things do not work out. It should be fine if you can both act like mature adults about it. However, if you will have to work closely together, things may become complicated if you end up splitting up.

  • Ask yourself honestly if you and your coworker could continue working together if you had recently broken up.
  • Consider your most recent tumultuous breakup as a good barometer. Could you and your ex work on a project together at a table?
  • If you don’t think you’ll be able to work with your coworker after a potential breakup, it might be best to avoid dating from the start.
  • If you believe you and your coworker can handle it maturely, go ahead and ask your coworker out.
How to ask out a female coworker #10
Consider what might happen if things don’t work out.

4. Consider what might happen if things don’t work out. Even if you don’t have to collaborate or work closely with your coworkers, a messy divorce can have an impact on your workplace performance. It may be difficult to see each other at work every day, especially if one of you still has feelings for the other. This isn’t to say that if you and your coworker dated, it wouldn’t work out; rather, it means that you should consider all possible outcomes before proceeding.

  • If one or both of you are uncomfortable working around each other, your performance levels may suffer.
  • One of you may feel compelled to leave your department or the company entirely.
  • If you’re already friends with your coworker and are considering asking him/her out, you should have a serious conversation with him/her about what you would both do if your boss pressured you to end the relationship. Prepare a backup plan that you and your partner can both agree on ahead of time.
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Asking a Coworker Out in a Casual Way

How to ask out a female coworker #11
Prepare your questions ahead of time.

1. Prepare your questions ahead of time. Don’t try to improvise on the spot. If you approach a coworker, whether he or she is interested or not, giving vague or ambiguous plans will most likely be a turn off. Keep it casual, but know what you’re up to before asking your coworker out.

  • If you aren’t sure if your coworker is interested in you, inviting him/her to something casual is more likely to succeed than inviting him/her to a formal dinner or movie date.
  • Decide ahead of time what you want to do, such as going out for coffee or getting a drink together after work (if you’re both of legal drinking age).
  • When you ask a coworker out, invite him or her to whatever casual event you have planned.
  • Instead of saying something vague like, “Do you want to go out with me?” you could say, “I’d really like to continue chatting over coffee or maybe a drink sometime, if you’re free.”
How to ask out a female coworker #12
Invite a coworker to a social event you’re planning.

2. Invite a coworker to a social event you’re planning. If you’re concerned about coming across as too direct with your coworker, you can casually invite him or her to join you at something you’re already planning on doing. Just make sure you invite your coworker to something appropriate, such as a concert or a street festival.

  • The benefit of approaching someone in this manner is that it often comes up naturally in conversation.
  • If you make small talk with a coworker, he or she will most likely ask you about your weekend plans at some point. This is an excellent time to describe your plans and then invite your coworker.
  • You could say something like, “I’m going to see that concert this Saturday.” I have an extra ticket; would you like to accompany me?
How to ask out a female coworker #13
Make a friendly “competition” out of first-date ideas.

3. Make a friendly “competition” out of first-date ideas. A friendly competition simply means determining who can come up with the best first date idea. This method of asking a coworker out works best if you and your coworker already have a good rapport and regularly make friendly small talk. Again, the goal is to keep it casual and not make your coworker feel uncomfortable.

  • This method will only work if you and your coworker are already flirting and clearly interested in each other.
  • Allow the topic to come up naturally. This can be a difficult move to pull off, and the timing and execution must be perfect or it will sound creepy and off-putting.
  • If someone at work mentioned having a bad date recently, you could say something like, “Shannon is in a bad way after that blind date. would be my ideal first date. What about you?”
  • When your coworker responds with his or her ideal first date, you can say something along the lines of, “That sounds like a lot of fun. Would you like to go for real sometime?”
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