How to tell someone you’re not interested after leading them on
Whether it’s intended or not, a man might misread the signals you’re giving him and believe there’s a relationship between the two of you. When that occurs, the polite thing to do is to let him down easily. If you’re wondering how in the world you’re going to achieve that, don’t worry! We’ve put up a handy list that you may use to break it to him as gently and pleasantly as possible.
1. Put a stop to it as quickly as possible.
The more you wait, the more difficult it will be. No matter how long you’ve been leading a man on, it’s necessary to have the chat as soon as you get a feeling that he’s interested in becoming more than simply buddies. Don’t put it off or attempt to ignore it, because he may misinterpret your intentions and continue to pursue you.
- Ignoring the issue will not make it go away! It’s also cruel to give a man the impression that he has a chance when he doesn’t.
- Consider it a band-aid. The sooner you are able to tear it off, the better.
2. If you’ve known him for a long, do it in person.
It will demonstrate to them that you are serious. Give him a call or send him a message indicating your want to meet. Choose a public spot with some seclusion, such as a coffee shop or a park. Inform him of the time and location, and meet him there.
- “Hey, can we meet in the new park across town to talk?” you may say.
- Try to avoid conversing at your or his house so that you may leave if things get hot or unpleasant.
- You could also want to avoid going to a location where you both go so you don’t have terrible memories and are less likely to run into them in the future.
3. If it was only one date, send a quick text.
If you don’t know them well, a brief note will suffice. Whether your friends set you up, you met him on a dating app, or you know him from social media, it’s natural and entirely OK if you don’t have emotions for him after the first date, no matter how you led him on beforehand.
- You might start the discussion by asking, “Hey, are you busy?” or “Hello, do you have a minute?” That way, you’ve got their attention.
- If you don’t feel comfortable talking to or meeting with him in person, you may send him a text.
4. Tell him you had a good time with him.
Begin with something pleasant to establish the tone. If you’ve known him for a while, tell him how much fun you’ve had hanging out and getting to know one other. If you go on a date (or a few dates), tell him how much fun you had with him.
- “I’ve loved chatting with you and learning more about you,” you may say, or “I’ve appreciated spending time with you over the last several weeks.”
- You may perhaps try, “I had a great time with you at the restaurant. You were correct, the dinner was delicious.”
5. Express your regret for leading him astray.
Don’t attempt to rationalize your conduct; instead, be honest. Avoid include “ifs” and “buts” in your apologies. Tell him you’re sorry for giving him the incorrect impression. Tell him it’s not his fault he felt the way he did. Keep it brief and accept responsibility for luring him on.
- You might make an attempt, “”I’m sorry for leading you astray and giving you the false impression” or “This is my fault.” I’m sorry for leading you astray.”
6. Be courteous but truthful.
Tell him you don’t want to be in a relationship. Don’t be a squeaky wheel. Tell him straight away that you don’t see the two of you together. Keep it brief and to the point so there is no uncertainty and he hears your message clearly.
- You may, for example, state, “I simply don’t see you that way” or “I’m not interested in entering into a relationship right now.”
7. Avoid blaming him by using “I” phrases.
Discuss your emotions and opinions. Maintain the discourse on how you feel and how you view things. Avoid discussing how he may have misconstrued things or how he just isn’t the appropriate person for you. It will assist to soften the impact.
- As an example, suppose “”I don’t think this relationship is suitable for me,” rather than “You’re a wonderful person.” You’re just not my type.”
8. Express your dissatisfaction with long-term chemistry.
Keep your attention away from how you feel about him. Discuss how it’s not him, but the relationship that isn’t working for you. You’ll be able to let him down easily without making it personal.
- “I’m simply not wanting to go into a relationship right now,” for example, or “I don’t see this as a long-term sort of connection, which is what I’m looking for.”
9. Thank him for his kindness and patience.
Make him feel like a gentleman for following your instructions. Mention how pleasant he was to you whenever you spoke or spent time together. Tell him you appreciate his willingness to give you space.
- You may say, “Thank you very much for understanding my situation. Who thinks chivalry is extinct?”
- You may also try, “It feels great to be on the same page. Thank you for your understanding and patience.”
10. Good luck to him.
Tell him that there is someone out there for him. Try to conclude the discussion on a good note. Discuss how just because you’re not the proper person for him doesn’t mean he won’t find someone who is. As you separate ways, give him hope.
- “I know there’s a guy/girl out there who would be wonderful for you,” you may say, or “Just because I don’t have romantic emotions for you doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there who does.”
11. Discontinue spending time with him.
After that, it’s almost hard to sustain a friendship. It’s better if you can create a clean separation and avoid talking to or seeing him. He’ll be able to go on more easily, and you won’t have to worry about bumping into him and having to deal with an unpleasant conversation.
- If you have a lot of shared acquaintances, try to avoid contact with him as much as possible.
- In time, there may be no more strangeness between you two, and you may be able to be around each other without feeling uneasy.